Funnily Enough
by Rose9797
Summary: James T. Kirk is big on eating. As told from various crew member's POV. Set one week after the first movie and progresses from there. Mostly crack.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story takes place one week after Kirk was appointed as the official Captain, after the end of the first movie.**

 **oOo**

Nyota Uhura was exactly five minutes early for Alpha shift, courtesy of being well-rested and having two shifts off the previous day. She sat primly at her console, relieving the Gamma shift lieutenant with a smile as she inserted the ear-piece into her ear. She pulled up the reports for the day and got to work.

Commander Spock entered the Bridge at exactly 0800 hours, not a second more and not a second less. He appraised the Bridge at a glance, no doubt taking note of the crew members who had arrived and his gaze fell on Nyota, who had glanced up from her console when the Turbolift doors had opened. She smiled at him warmly and Spock returned the sentiment, albeit more reservedly with a softening of his eyes.

"Good morning, Commander" she said softly, when Spock took his seat.

"A pleasant morning to you too, Lieutenant," he murmured lightly, before getting on with his work.

After a while, Uhura was reading through her reports when the Bridge doors opened again.

"Keptin on ze Bridge" came the chipper voice of Chekov.

The crew instinctively straightened in their seats, all slouching and lounging discarded for ramrod spines.

Captain Kirk smiled as he entered. "At ease, people" he said cheerfully, the exchange having become their default routine.

Uhura noticed the captain carrying a large sandwich wrapped in a paper napkin. A delicious smell of roast beef wafted as he crossed her to get to his seat. Spock, no doubt, had noticed it too, as he turned his seat to face the Captain just as a Yeoman handed a PADD to Kirk and left. Uhura glanced at Kirk who was perusing the pad scrolling with one hand and eating the sandwich with his left.

The loud crunch of lettuce was unmistakable in the silent Bridge and Uhura was torn between revulsion and amusement. _Typical Kirk_ , he was always found eating or munching on something when he was at the Academy. During her second year, she had shared one class with him and she could remember him having a box of jelly beans on his side and popping them into his mouth when the instructors were taking class. He had timed it so well that he hadn't been caught munching during the entire two-hour class.

Even when she had seen him occasionally in the mess halls, or when he came over to relentlessly try and get her to say her first name, he was chewing or drinking something or the other - a slice of pizza, a burrito, a burger, a glass of beer, even a lollipop on one occasion. Hell, he had been casually munching on an apple when taking the Kobayashi Maru too, and nobody had called him out on that.

She couldn't understand how a man could constantly keep eating and still look fit.

She heard Spock speak softly but sharply from her left "Captain, might I remind you of Starfleet Regulations 254-A which forbids eating or drinking at the Bridge?"

"Yes, Mr. Spock, you may" came the lax response from Kirk who hadn't lifted his head up from the PADD, but proceeded to eat another huge bite of his sandwich with a satisfying crunch.

"Then it is also my duty to remove the food substance an discard it."

Kirk looked up from his PADD and turned his seat lightly to look at Spock, eyes crinkling as he grinned "How about you say that again in ten minutes, by which time I'll be done and we won't have anything to worry about?"

Uhura noted with amusement that Spock looked momentarily speechless before regaining his senses "Captain –"

"Oh come on! I slept in today and didn't have time to get breakfast. So I thought I'll have it here. There's nothing harmful about a sandwich, Mr. Spock."

Spock stared at the Captain's head, who had turned back to face the viewscreen and was bent down again reading his PADD. Uhura heard him exhale slowly, a minute expression, which she knew if he were human would have been the equivalent of a frustrated sigh. He turned his seat to face his console and looked like he would ignore the matter.

Uhura was amused at how easily Kirk was driving Spock up a wall. Sure, outwardly Spock looked as calm as ever, but she knew him better than everyone and could see the crease in his forehead, and his lowered eyebrows. Oh, Spock was **_pissed_** at Kirk, who seemed intent on breaking regulations left, right and center and it was getting on Spock's nerves. She shook her head lightly unable to imagine how the two were going to get along with each other when Kirk looked up at the yeoman who had come to fetch the PADD from Kirk and deposit new ones. The sandwich was mostly gone save for a quarter of it that he was still clutching to.

"Yeoman, could you please do me a favour and get me a cup of coffee. My brain refuses to work without caffeine in the morning," he said charmingly, smile in place on full-wattage.

The yeoman smiled nervously trying to look anywhere but at his face as she took the PADD, "Of course, Captain."

Uhura noted Spock stiffen out of the corner of her eyes, but was amazed he chose to ignore on the matter. It seemed like Spock was trying his damndest to _tolerate_ Kirk and it amused her to no end to think these two were flying off each other's throats not months ago…

Kirk, without taking his eyes off his PADD, added loudly to the yeoman entering the turbolift "With extra cream and sugar."

Spock gave a light huff in annoyance and Uhura had to stifle a laugh. Yup, Spock was definitely getting in touch with his human side.

 **oOo**

 **A/N: This fic will be a collection of one-shots revolving around the funny quirk of Kirk (Hey! That rhymed!) - eating. This story was actually inspired by the episode on the Late Late Show with James Corden starring Chris Pine and Imogen Poots. If you haven't seen it, go watch on youtube, it's hilarious.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Just a silly drabble. It's easy to identify the characters.**

oOo

"Jim, you're bleeding!"

"I'm fine, Bones."

oOo

"Jim, there's a four inch shard of metal stuck in your abdomen!"

"Really? I didn't know that."

oOo

"Jim, you have the flu."

"Tha' does not bean I need a hybo, Bones!"

oOo

"Bones!"

"Jim, you don't come to sickbay on your own! What's wrong?"

"Please just hypo me to oblivion!"

"What the hell's wrong? Your vitals are all fine!"

"The food synthesizers are all down for the next four hours! _Four hours_ , Bones! I can't survive that long! Just stick me with a hypo and let me sleep through this torture, _please_!"

"Dammit Jim!"


End file.
